Friday, February 6, 2009

Office Life

Have you ever watched The Office and thought how bizarre those people are? I work somewhere similar. The girl in the next office to me does sound effects to go with everything. Like when she shuts a door, or a drawer, she makes a weird sound effect noise. When she walks through my office, she does a sound effect noise. Why would anyone do this?

Then there is another woman who is seriously overweight. Don't get me wrong, I am not the skinny bitch I wish I was, but this woman can barely breathe. And when she does breathe, it sounds like one of those horror movies where there is a dirty old man on the phone breathing down it to a poor, young, terrified girl. I am that terrified girl. There is a connecting part of my office to another office, and she often stands in there and I always know when she is there without her saying a word. Because I can hear her breathing! She also shuffles when she walks so I hear shuffle - breathe - shuffle - breathe. It is disturbing. Not to mention on top of all this, she falls asleep in meetings and snores. Loudly. Snore - breathe - snore - breathe.

Down the hall is a woman who has been engaged 3 or 4 times since I started working here, just over one year ago! She ended up marrying the first guy that she was engaged too, after living with one of the guys (also engaged to) who then tried to kill her by poisoning her food. Seriously, I think being single has its advantages!

Sometimes I wonder if I am being Punked, or if there is a secret camera filming us to get ideas for the show The Office. It is like being in a mad mad circus some days! If you watch The Office and see a Sound Effects Girl and a Shuffler, will you please let me know, then I won't feel like I am crazy.

13 comments:

SouthernBelle said...

Hahahahhaa, that is gold. The last place I worked would have made an excellent reality show; my current office is much more sane.

Except for the lady that doesn't lock the cubicle door shut in the Ladies room, and leaves it a little bit open... That is just wrong.

me said...

Oh no! That is awful! Mind you, since moving to America I have found myself very disturbed by the gap in the door of public toilets. What the hell is that all about?

Bitsy said...

I've never seen the show, but I have to say that you work with some weird people.

Amy said...

OH my goodness. That is hysterical.

Mama Kat said...

I always feel sorry for those heavy breathers...something as simple as breathing should not sound so strained. It makes me feel like everything they do is SUCH an effort.

I wish I rant about my assistants quirks that drive me crazy...but I'm afraid she'd find the blog. We all know THAT'S happened before!!

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

Sorry but LOL! Mind you they probably say things like this about me at work, always talking to myself!

Z's Mom said...

OMG.....that is hilarious!

I am so with you. I think The Office is such a hit because so many people work in offices and can relate to all the stupidity that goes on.

Let's see in my episode of The Office it would also blend in Seinfeld.....it would the case of the lady that doesn't wash her hands. EWWWWW!!!

Or the lady that has had 3 heart attacks and has chronic Bronchitis....but continues to be a full time smoker.

OOOOORRRR....the people that pop microwave popcorn EVERY afternoon.....they burn it and it smells like dirty butt!!!! Seriously!!!!


I would be the neurotic one that sprays Lysol on all of them when they cough and sneeze.....and burn their butt smelling popcorn!!! Yep, that one would be me!

Shelly... said...

Sounds like quite the cast of characters! Sucks you can't pick your office mates!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Are you all hiring? Hah. Sounds like a crazy place!!!!

Pollyanna said...

I KNOW! Sometimes I look arouond my office and wonder if I'm on "candid camera" or am in the Twilight Zone. Either way I know these people are NOT normal. :)

Sorry to hear about your work mates, at least that gives you good blog fodder, huh?

Crazy Momma said...

Hysterical!

WheresMyAngels said...

Oh I wanna work where you do! I love entertaining people! I used to have a guy at work that gave me back rubs and then do this heavy breathing thing. Oh that was scary;)

sj said...

oooh... i think every office has some characters like this.

although sound effects girl would keep me amused for hours. i'd try to make the sound effects before she could.

 
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