Saturday, January 23, 2010

My Left Nostril

Christy Brown can have his Left Foot, I have my Left Nostril! Seriously, what is up with my left nostril being tiny compared to the other one?

So today I woke up with a big fat lip that was caused by a spot on my lip. A spot. A spot turned half my mouth into half of Angelina Jolie's mouth. Who the hell would want to get collagen injections when it makes you look deformed like this?

Anyway, I took this picture to document my swollen lip and as I looked at it I thought, "holy crap, what is up with my left nostril?!" Now I feel slightly deformed and think that it may have caused a disadvantage in my life. I don't know what but I want you all to feel sorry for me and not laugh at me and my deformed nostril.

The spot appeared above my lip (it is not a cold sore) on Thursday. I believe this was a stress spot because I had just crashed my car after skidding on a sheet of ice. Why anyone wants to put a sheet of ice on the damn streets is beyond me, but this is what I slid on. And caused nearly $2,000 of damage to my car from crashing into the curb. Yes yes, I know, thank God Ned and I were not hurt, thank God we didn't hit anyone else. But seriously! $2,000? And I have to pay the first $500 for my deductible. So I guess I was sort of stressed out. And the spot appeared. And yesterday it got worse. So, I may or may not have tried to squeeze it as hard as I possibly could, and this may or may not have caused the swelling. Whatever, I am not liable for anything!

The only good thing that happened is that today I got all my hair chopped off and love it, although I am not loving the big scabby spot above my lip!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Happy Weekend

About a year and a half ago when I resided on a different blog, some chicky posts a comment on my blog and says "hey, I live in Nevada too, we should be friends!". I am thinking, girlfriend, I am never going to meet you, you live in Vegas, I live in Reno, we are an 8 hour drive from each other.

Silly, silly me!

So, I get this email from Shelly last year saying that her husband is coming up to the air races and she is going to come with him and see me. Um, okay, I think! What do I know about this person, except for she sometimes posts on a blog called Seriously, Shelly, and she likes to drink? Oh, she likes to drink, who cares if she is an axe wielding lunatic who will stalk me forever! She drinks!!!!

That was my first visit from Shelly. Before Christmas I got another email saying, hey, I'm coming up to see you because I have a free air ticket! Hmm, more drinking me thinks!

Shelly arrived on Saturday and we had a great weekend, that was full of pasta, wine, martinis, Thai food, drinks at a bar with guys we have never met, going to bed on time (I love you Shelly for not making me stay up past my bed time!), taking cleavage photos, eating Sunday breakfast at Mel's Diner at noon, shopping at Target, good food, more martinis, laughing at the Golden Globes.

Yes, I am in love with Shelly! We had a blast and it was so much fun! Next on the list is a trip to Tahoe with Shelly and Christy (girl, where is your blog for I have lost it!) because I don't have the money to go visit Christy in New Hampshire!

And now, I must detox for the next four weeks to get my liver functioning again!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Really Pat Robertson?

Why is this man who proclaims to be a Christian such a horrible, horrible person? Why is he so judgmental over others when the Bible teaches us not to judge anyone? There is only one judge and thank the Lord it is not Pat Robertson!

On the January 13, 2010 broadcast of The 700 Club, Robertson blamed Haiti's 1791 slave rebellion and the vodou origins of the Haitian Revolution for the Haitian Earthquake of January 12, 2010, telling viewers of his Christian Broadcasting Network, "[S]omething happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it, they were under the heel of the French, uh, you know, Napoleon the third and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil, they said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the French, true story. And so the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' And they kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free, and ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor."

Thankfully our President does not agree and is willing to send all the help necessary to assist with this awful tragedy.

And anyone who says that Scotland is a dark land overrun by homosexuals has never got it on with a hunky Scottish man! Or, maybe he has.......!!!

Monday, January 11, 2010


I have absolutely nothing of interest to write so I am urging you all to go to my lovely friend Welshy's blog and read this post, because it is absolutely hysterical:

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Online Dating

I quietly decided a few weeks ago that I am not interested in finding a man to share my life with. The main reason for this is I quite like my life just the way it is and I am not prepared to change it for anyone. Selfish, I know, but it is just the way I feel right now. I will probably change my mind in 6 months when the winter has gone and I have hopefully shed a few pounds but for now, I am happy with my day to day routine and I do not want to have to take anyone else into consideration other than Ned and myself.

In the meantime I had forgotten to take down my profile on an online dating site that I have been on for years, goodness knows why because only losers ever contact me through there. And last night I received a reminder of why I should not be on this site:

Loser: wanna get high with me?
Me: what?
Loser: wanna get high with me?
Me: no thanks, I don't get high
Loser: wanna get loaded honey?
Me: um, no, I don't get loaded, wasted, stoned, high or anything of a similar nature
Loser: ha, just kidding, just trying to get your attention
Me: dude, you are weird. don't you think there are better ways to get my attention?
Loser: but I did get your attention, ha ha (I am imagining him stoned and laughing hysterically at this point while raiding his fridge because he has the munchies)
Me: Are you on Reno's Most Wanted list? Are you a stalker? I have a friend who is a US Marshall you know, I can find this stuff out.
Loser: good one! email me in 45 minutes, I have to go out

Um, to get stoned even more? To stalk some girl that you have been harassing for the past 6 months? I think I will pass thanks.

He then sends me a message telling me that he is quite safe, he is only a bmx biker who is 5'3".

Seriously, how could I date a guy who is only 1 inch taller than me and therefore qualifies as official hobbit height and is a bmx biker? How the hell would he pick me up for a date on his bmx bike?

I deleted my profile!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Look At Me Ma!

Ned thinks that after two trips to the ice rink, he knows how to skate.
Ned says he is not going for skating lessons.
Ned kicks and screams and is on the verge of a tantrum.
Ned's mom screams back "You do not know everything, I have paid for these lessons and you are going damn it, and you are going to like it!"
Ned shrugs his shoulders and says "okay", like it's no big deal.
Ned's mom wants to strangle Ned but she resists and instead, takes him to his ice skating lesson.
Ned rocks the rink!
After a deer in the headlight look of panic as he stepped out onto the ice without me holding his hand, he took a deep breath and went for it. He listened to the instructor. He skated forward. He skated backward. He even learned how to stop.

I love my little ice skating Ned!

Monday, January 4, 2010

My Favorite Thing

Apart from martinis of course!

We were invited to go ice skating last week. The last time I tried to take Ned he was 3 and refused to go on the ice. This time he could not wait! During the winter we have an outdoor rink, which is awesome, however the nearest year round rink is 60 miles away, which is not so awesome! And very surprising considering we are big on winter sports in this area.

Anyway, he had absolutely no fear whatsoever, got on the ice and after a wobbly start he just glided along as if he had been doing this forever. Well, for a few months anyway! He is such a natural. So it is off to ice skating lessons we go tomorrow night and I am hoping this becomes a lifelong passion for him as it did me. Although if his future involves playing ice hockey I should a) start saving now as it is expensive, b) get even better medical insurance and c) get fabulous dental insurance!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy End to the Year

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday Season and New Year!

My dad left yesterday and it has been a great two weeks for me and Ned. We had the best Christmas ever and even though it was the first without mom, because we were together it didn't make us sad or miss her too much. Ned and grandpa became the best of friends, especially when grandpa bought Ned an Indiana Jones hat and whip for Christmas! I was extremely lucky and not only did I get my favorite perfume - Tresor - but I also got a fancy schmancy new digital camera which I absolutely love.
When we took dad to the airport yesterday, we all had tears, but Ned cried the most and kept telling his grandpa he wished he could stay with us forever, and I think my dad felt the same way. Hopefully I will be able to sponsor him and my sister and then we can all be close by which would make me so happy! When Ned and I got home, he looked and me and said, "mom, my heart is broken because grandpa left" and I just melted into tears!

So before I cry anymore, here are a few of my favorite pictures taken with said fancy schmancy camera:

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