Saturday, September 26, 2009

Martinis and Chelsea Handler

There are two things in this world that I love and as you know, martinis are one of them. The other is Chelsea Handler, star of the Chelsea Lately show. Funniest woman on TV (next to Ellen, of course!). Okay, before you all start hollering at me, yes I love Ned too. It's just he comes after martinis and Chelsea Handler.

Anyhoo, as Chelsea loves loves loves her vodka, I thought it would be a perfect idea if I became her personal martini maker. How cool would that be? My friend Juno who has been my little martini partner is extremely funny and talented and I have ordered her to write a script for an audition tape. She is currently jobless in Seattle so hey, what has she got to lose.

I can just see myself now, living in LA and making martinis for the fabulous and famous. Sigh. If only.

So here is the first (of what I think will be many) letter to Chelsea asking for a martini audition:

Dear Chelsea

Not sure if you actually read this or if you have some sap intern who monitors this crap for you but it is worth a try.

Have been a fan for forever. Well, since last year anyway. And being a fan I have realized just how much you love vodka. I understand, I love vodka too. In fact I love vodka that much that I started the Rockapoodle Martini company. Huge success. So, okay, we just had two gigs so far but still, huge success.

By day I work at an engineering college where I am surrounded by nerdy engineers who like to examine tiny particles and other useless stuff. But by night I am a martini maker, a martini lover, a martini connoisseur. And it is my dream - no wait, my destiny - to be your personal martini maker. Just think how convenient it would be; I would be there while you prepare for your show, with a martini just for you. I would be there as you are waiting off stage, with a martini just for you. I would be there during commercial break when instead of having to make small talk with boring guests, I could run on stage with a martini, just for you.

So all I am asking is for a chance, an audition even, to be your own personal martini maker. Oh, and I come with my own sidekick, her name is Juno and yes, that is her real name. And as she is 24, no she wasn't named after the movie. She was, however, the one that introduced me properly to you. Until Juno, I thought your name really was Chelsea Lately.

Hope you will consider this request. If not, there will be many more to follow. Either way I should make it on for either being your personal martini maker or having a restraining order filed against me.


Watch this space!


Sam_I_am said...

Fabulous idea! I love Chelsea. Although she usually keeps me up past my bedtime.

wendy said...

Lovely letter! I love Chelsea as well - laughed hysterically all through her book!

Soda and Candy said...

Yes! Pleeeeease send it to her and let us know how it goes!

M said...

I am not happy! I sent it at the weekend and as of today, it is still marked as unread! Chelsea Handler, stop drinking vodka and check your damn email!

Rachel said...

Just jumped over her from Kat's blog. Dude, you are my kind of mama! Though I have to admit I can't really hit the "hard" stuff anymore post-baby. Two glasses of anything and I am holding my head and screaming, "Aspirin, please!"
My hubby says I am a "cheap date now." Sweet.

Anyhoo, love your references. I can see you are a fan of all things E! as well. Don't tell anyone, but I have even Tivo'd the Keeping Up with the K's once or twice.

Here's to cheap thrills with reality tv and a little glass of happiness to toast with.


Z's Mom said...

You are too funny!!!

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